TheFireFalls.com

I am a young girl who loves to ask “why?” In particular I like to ask “why me?”.

I am 20 years old and have been brought up in a loving family. My Mum and Dad have raised my 3 sisters and I in a safe environment, where we respect ourselves and each other, but the main focus of our life together as a family is loving God and doing our best to live for him in our daily lives.

The question I have asked many times is, why chose God as the core of our lives? Why not money, fame, material goods and personal gain/success? And faithfully each day God answers this question by the way he hears my prayers, by the way he calls me to living a life full of joy, by the way he provides for and sustains my family and by the way he works miracles in my life and the lives of those around me. It might just be me, but I think God has proven that his way is far superior to the one the world has to offer.

I have always been a child who loves to fit in with my peers. In primary school I would do anything to gain popularity in my class, and it worked, I was a popular kid but unknown to me I was building two lives for myself. One at home and one in school. At home I was trying my best to please my family and God but in school I was pleasing those around me, I wasn’t even pleasing myself because I knew I was living a lie. As a reached high school I realised I had to change, I couldn’t continue trying to hide the main part of my life, which is God and the Christian community my family belonged to. Things began to change. Gradually I began to make choices for myself. I had to choose whether I went to church on a Sunday and to attend the weekly prayer meeting. I also had to chose what I wanted to do with my life. I turned to God for guidance. I never thought I would have but I did. I had seen the way God had worked in my parents life and I wanted that for myself, it was quite selfish, but as I looked to God daily I realised that it wasn’t that I wanted him to work for me, but that I wanted to live out my life for him. Recently, in the past 4 years, God has changed my life and most importantly he has changed the desires of my heart. I no longer deeply desire to fulfil expectations and I don’t rely on things of the world that will temporarily provide me with satisfaction. God has provided me with the weapons I need to live out my daily battle as a young Christian woman, and now I am proud to tell people about the battle I am in, God has blessed me with an evangelists heart, although sometimes this is extremely difficult and daunting I do try and be a witness to Gods power and the many ways he’s worked in my life.

At a youth retreat a number of years ago I was given the chance to offer all my hopes, ambitions, dreams and desires to the Lord. This scared me. I didn’t want to do it half heartedly, I wanted it to be genuine, but I didn’t feel worthy enough to offer every area of my life and so I held back on things that I knew were my downfalls and weakness. Since then I have been given the opportunity many times to rededicate my life to God and each time I am able to offer more over to him. I know that living as a Christian requires me to do this daily and I struggle, but ……God loves a trier.

And then the question that still follows is why me? Why was I born into a family that puts God first in all circumstances?, why should I have been made to go to church and pray?, why couldn’t I do the things that my friends were doing? At times I would desperately try and find answers to these questions, so that I could do what needed to be done in order for me to be “normal” and without that nagging thought that ensures I know when I am doing wrong, going against God or my parents. Thankfully this was pretty impossible, I still have that nagging thought. But the thought that is most dominant in my mind now is how blessed I am to have such a rich life in Gods spirit. Although I doubt, although I sin and although I fail God always offers truth, forgiveness and redemption. I don’t feel I deserve Gods love. I don’t think I would have sacrificed my only son for a young self-absorbed girl, the way that God did for me, so the least I can do is offer myself as a living sacrifice, ready and willing to do his will no matter what or how difficult that may be.

Matthew 6: 19-22 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal, For where your treasure is, there your heart will also be”